I'll Still Be Me

I remember, one day many years ago, my college roommate and I said, "Let's go to San Diego." We left when she got off work and spent the night driving, drinking coffee, singing at the top of our lungs with the sun roof open and entertaining ourselves by flirting with all-night truck drivers. We arrived at 2:30 in the morning, crashed for a few hours and headed down to Tijuana. We stayed in a dive hotel, spent hours at the beach and drank Coors Lights. I know we called in sick to work and cut classes. We spent money we didn't have and had A BLAST!

When did I become a person with so many responsibilities? I went from a carefree girl to a woman with two kids, two mortgages and an SUV. I go from soccer practice to golf lessons and wouldn't dream of having the kids skip school unless they were REALLY sick (if you're not puking or don't have a fever of at least 102 degrees, you are going to school)! I have a calendar that I actually write appointments on...and keep them. I make advance plans for coffee dates and girl's nights. It's hard to call in sick to work now that my job is caring for two energetic boys who don't like to sit still for a haircut, let alone a "mom break."

And yet, I challenge you to believe me when I say that I am still the same girl. The dreamer who still hasn't fully settled into her life. The one who could stay up all night and still at least partially function the next day. I might take responsibility for my mistakes now, but I still make them. I know when enough is enough and can look forward with no regrets. I still believe in myself and have hopes for my future. No, I won't ever be 18 again. That isn't a bad thing! The amount of growing I have done in the last 15 years is irreplaceable. From the outside looking in you won't see the same girl you saw then or even who I was at 25. But in my heart and in all the ways that matter to me, I am the same. I might go on vacations with friends that are more well-planned than the spontaneous trip to San Diego, but I also don't have to stay in a Motel 6 or drink Coors Light anymore. And let's face it, I would still drive all night, only stopping for coffee. I still sing at the top of my lungs with my hair blowing in the wind and I would definitely flirt with passing truck drivers!

As I've grown older I have grown more confident in who I am too. Back then, I would wait for a boy to call me, I was shy about making friends, and I was self-conscious in my own skin. Now I choose to make a daily effort to look forward with no regrets. When I meet someone new and have a connection with them, we exchange phone numbers. If neither of us calls, I don't sweat it. If we do and develop a friendship...that is great too. I say how I feel without worrying about whether the person I am talking to will like me less. I care about people deeply and without conditions. Those who really love me for me and for the girl that I have always been stick close. They don't judge my feelings, instead, they take them for what they are; mine! They respect me and choose to love me because they want to, not because they have to.

So I have responsibilities now...so what? At the end of the day, I'll still be me. The same girl from whom laughter flows as freely as tears, who is passionate about the people I love, and who will always be a carefree dreamer...with no regrets or apologies. I'll still be me.