Fall into Me

Picking up pieces. Moving forward. Trying not to look back, but knowing that it is inevitable and healthy if you sometimes do. In my heart, I know the sun will shine again, but I don't know when.

My new favorite song (there is always a new favorite) is by Sugarland, entitled "Fall Into Me." A line from the song:

Fall into me.
My arms are open wide and you don't have to say a word.
Because I already see
That it's hard and
You're scared and
You're tired and
It hurts and
I wanna be the one you reach for first.

Even though I know that I don't need to be rescued or saved and that I will eventually be okay, I would give so much for someone to say that to me right now. It is hard. I am scared and tired. It does hurt. I don't want to make any more life-altering decisions right now. I just can't. I've done my fair share.

I am moving on the 30th. How do you divvy your life up? Some things are easy. I am taking the spare bed, my clothes, the computer. But, how do you separate your dreams? Who gets to keep the feeling of home? How do you tell your children that despite your immense love for them, you are going to completely turn their world upside-down? What about the memories...the hopes...the future? Who gets to keep that? The profound sadness at the loss of what I imagined my life to be has started to sink in. I am helpless to change things. I have been abandoned and now I need to pick up the pieces of my life on my own.

But it's hard. And I'm scared. And I'm tired. And it hurts...