My 5-year-old son, Austin, learned how to ride a bike this weekend. He's tried off and on for months now. He asked us to take off the training wheels. Now put them on. Now take them off. Oh no, put them back on! Okay, I want to try no training wheels.
Once we got over that part, the "trying" looked like this: Austin would plant one foot on either side of the bike. He would start to pedal with one foot. He had no concept of balance. Once the bike started to tip the slightest bit in one direction he would bail off like he was leaving a sinking ship. He's very dramatic so he was actually quite good at this phase in the learning process. Making sure he was close to grass, he would leap off, do a couple stunt-man rolls and say "Whoa!" or "Aaahh!" or something else to make it seem like he had just survived a major test of strength and character.
Then two nights ago, he just did it. He climbed on the bike and rode. No drama...no big announcements. In fact, if I wasn't watching him closely, I wouldn't even have known. I can learn a lot from him. Drama aside, sometimes you just need to do something. Jump in. Fall if you need to, but get back up and just do it. Don't do it for the praise. Do it for yourself.
When I looked at him while he was riding, the pride was undeniable on his face. He was so pleased with himself and yet it was a private pleasure. I can share the pride from a parents' point of view, but I won't ever know what it was like for him. To do something he had worked at for a long time and he knew was a cool thing, but to not even care if anyone knew but him. It was enough for him to know that HE could do it, he didn't need to show it off to us.
It is at these moments that praise for a job well done feels the best. Unsolicited and unexpected. No disappointment if it doesn't come because you weren't expecting it and didn't need it anyway. You knew all by yourself that you did a cool thing.
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